Gay dad and blog Scary Mommy blogger, Jerry Mahoney, is both amusing and also so right when, in his blog, he says: “When Drew and I decided to have kids, we knew that the gay dad job description would include explaining our family to the rest of the world for the rest of our lives.”
Well, the child of gay dads will have to explain their family to the rest of the world for the rest of their life. That’s why it’s really important to equip your child early with answers to something like, “But doesn’t everyone need a mommy?”. As Jerry Mahoney says: “If two men want to start a family together, then yes, they’ll need help from a woman. But that woman is not the mommy. The people who raise you are the Mommy(-ies) and / or the Daddy(-ies)”. Donor and surrogate baby books will help your child understand, and in turn explain, both their origins and that they have two dads that love them very much.
Stonewall’s ‘A guide for gay dads’ includes some great advice on coming out to your kids. If you’re a gay dad, or gay and thinking of having children, and you haven’t read this guide, then we highly recommend you do so here. It’s full of great case studies and advice for adoption, fostering, surrogacy or co-parenting. This guide covers coming out to your children, but it doesn’t talk about explaining to your child how they came to be. We think it’s important they understand this too.
A children’s book with really simple language helps you tell your child about a surrogate. They will know where they came from and will be equipped to answer any questions curious children throw their way.
If you’re interested in research this study from the National Centre for Biotechnology Information on gay father surrogacy families is full of facts like:
- 83% of fathers [in the study] had started to talk to their children about their origins.
- Of these, 76% had talked about ‘men needing help in creating a family because babies are carried by a woman’, with 70% making specific reference to the surrogate who helped them.
- However, of those that used gestational surrogacy only 33% had mentioned the use of a donated egg.
- And few fathers (only 21%) had begun to disclose which partner’s sperm had been used in the child’s conception.
Whilst most dads are finding a way to explain the role of a surrogate, it might be that dads are finding it difficult to find the words to explain about sperm and the use of a donor egg. Well, if that is the case, the Magic of You provides the solution. These personalised stories give the facts in an easy and simple way so that the child will gain the information simply and easily.
The Gay Surrogacy Agency has this great blog: How To Tell Your Child About Their Birth Through Surrogacy making many points we agree with – start right away (from when the child is a baby), not telling is not an option, use props (like books for children about surrogacy), and talk about it continuously.
Having a baby is magical – share the magic of how they came to be with your child.